Too funny ... gotta read this one!

Islamic Cell Phone and the Next Islamic Invention
by Abul Kasem
Reproduced from http://www.islam-watch.org/AbulKasem/IslamicCellPhone.htm
28 Sep, 2007

The newest Islamic stuff in the market is the Islamic Cell Phone marketed by a company in Bangladesh . The New Age of Dhaka reported: The cell phone has full text of the holy Qur’an with English translation, prayer call (azan), prayer alarm before and after azan, automatic Qibla directions and Ramadan calendar. I could not help but had a good chuckle when I read the above news. Suddenly, I recalled ‘Dalil’, the Islamic digital watch (of course, invented and marketed by the infidels) that was launched in early eighties when the craze of digital time-piece was raging. This Islamic digital watch displayed prayer times, Ramadan fasting calendar with times and the direction of Qibla. Many Muslims bought this gadget to acquire bonus rewards from Allah; but guess who pocketed the money? Yes, it was the infidels who took the lion’s share of the profit. I am not quite sure if that Islamic digital watch (or its enhanced version) is still being marketed or not. Lately, in an attempt to maul the soft-drink giant Coca-Cola, Islamic soft drink, such as Mecca Cola is being marketed vigorously in Muslim countries as well as in some infidel countries where sizeable number of Muslims reside. I am not sure how successful the Islamic soft-drink has been in demolishing the Coca-Cola giant.

Here is a list of fifty items---I believe, sooner or later, will be claimed by the Islamists as their own inventions. The list is not itemized on the basis of subject/product---it is a random list---I listed them as they came to my mind. Peruse the list and add more to make it a century.

Next Islamic Inventions:

1. Islamic Toilet (no flushing---equipped with stone disposal container---Hadis style)

2. Islamic Toilet Paper (made from Zaqqum leaves---Muhammad’s hated tree)

3. Islamic Tampon (with musk fragrance---as per the instruction of Muhammad and practiced by Bibi Aisha—Hadis style, of course)

4. Islamic Bra (to match Hijab and Burqa)

5. Islamic Lipstick (OOPS! it may be Haram if worn openly---can be worn while inside a Burqa: made from camel’s fat---absolutely Halal)

6. Islamic Windows XP (computer boots with the sirens of Qur’an and Azan)

7. Islamic Pentium 4 (the processor is encoded with electronic Jihadists to automatically destroy anti-Islamic messages/articles)

8. Islamic CD and DVD (they are made from Lebanese bread ingredients---absolutely Halal stuff)

9. Islamic TV (only channels available are Islamic channels; no woman is shown, neither their voices are heard)

10. Islamic Radio (receives only Islamic broadcasts; automatically rejects female voices on the air)

11. Islamic Shoe (made from pure Halal skin---camel’s skin)

12. Islamic Battery (no acid is used; made from Zam-Zam water---no Haram stuff is added)

13. Islamic Camera (takes pictures of trees and plants only---automatically disables shutter when photographing human or animals)

14. Islamic Earthquake (Allah tests His Mumins in Iran and Turkey --Allah’s Qudrat---Qur’anic style, no doubt)

15. Islamic Geology (to counter the modern theory of Plate Tectonics and Continental Drift with the Islamic theory of Qur’anic Mountain Pegs)

16. Islamic Physics (to replace the concept of rational and logical approach to the understanding of natural Laws with the Islamic concept of Blind faith and Compulsion)

17. Islamic Chemistry (after all, the Muslims were the greatest Chemists!)

18. Islamic Gravity (based on Isra and Miraj: a Buraq, half-angel, half-horse; could defy gravity; refutes infidel’s concept Gravitational laws)

19. Islamic Theory of Relativity (time-dilation--Islamic style based on Muhammad’s ascent to Allah and his journey to heavens)

20. Islamic Electricity (don’t laugh! the Pakistani Islamists are sure of harnessing electricity from the Jinns!)

21. Islamic Flood (the recent deluge in Bangladesh is Allah’s punishment—Noah style)

22. Islamic Psychiatry (no joke! one Bangladeshi Islamic Psychiatrist has developed Psychotherapy---a la Qur’an)

23. Islamic Psychology (the Egyptian Islamic Psychologists are working on this new branch of metaphysics---Qur’anic style, of course)

24. Islamic Surgery (surgery performed by Burqa/Hijab-clad Muslimah surgeons; alternatively, a Muslim male surgeon performs surgery using long butcher’s knives swords and beheading axe used by the Jihadists without touching the sensitive flesh) of Burqa/Hijab-clad Muslimah)

25. Islamic Mouse (automatically retrieves Sahih Ahadith at a click)

26. Islamic Keyboard (keys are programmed to invoke Qur’anic verses)

27. Islamic Computer Monitor (moving display of Qur’anic verses at the task bar---intermittent high resolution images of Islamic barbarism reminds the user of his duty to join in the Jihad and to slaughter infidels)

28. Islamic Science Monitor (the Christians have their own version--- why not the Muslims?)

29. Islamic Secularism (based on verse 2:256, although it means the only religion acceptable to Allah is Islam, of course)

30. Islamic Atheism (don’t laugh! Allah does not exist in physical form---no need to turn hither and thither to see him)

31. Islamic Microscope (shows Jinns and Devils swimming in your blood-stream)

32. Islamic Oven/Microwave Oven (works by harnessing the heat of Islamic Hell and the electricity generated from the Jinns)

33. Islamic Refrigerator (uses as refrigerant 100% Halal stuff-- the cool water of Jannah and not the Freon gas invented by the infidels)

34. Islamic Toothbrush (not so new: the latest model incorporates Miswak fibres—Muhammad’s favourite dental cleaner, thus doing away with nylon fibre---an infidel invention and a Haram ingredient)

35. Islamic Toothpaste (as above---uses Miswak paste and Zaitun leaves, Muhammad’s favourite)

36. Islamic Soap (it is already in market: the new ingredient is the incorporation of dry clay/dust---so that Tayammum can be performed while in journey or when no water is available nearby---a two-in-one stuff)

37. Islamic Hard Disk (this device uses the incredible memory of the Hafizs’—the Qur’an memorisers to provide limitless memory at your disposal)

38. Islamic Mountains (mountains are stabilizers---lest the earth fly away---absolute Qur’anic stuff: this concept demolishes the infidel’s discovery of the theories of Plate Tectonic and Continental Drift, the foundation of modern geology)

39. Islamic Aircraft (shaped in the form of Buraq that Muhammad boarded to journey in space---conforms absolutely to Hadis standards)

40. Islamic Car (camel shaped---runs on desert sand: for use when Islamic oil wells run dry)

41. Islamic X-Ray (detects the body parts affected by major sins specified by the Qur’an)

42. Islamic Ultrasound (scans body-parts and detects the Islamic crimes, such as theft, illicit sex….,.body parts that are to be amputated and the precise location of brain part that can be demolished by stoning with the maximum pain; in case of pregnancy this Islamic device automatically detects if the foetus is the result of illicit sex or not; operates with male operators only---Pakistan style)

43. Islamic Paediatrics (specialises in the slaughter of infant and children in Islamic merciful manner)

44. Islamic Gynaecology (male specialist with blind-fold examines a Muslimah’s private organs using a sharp pencil and thin small metal rods; the Muslimah must be covered in Burqa. A security officer must be present. This method is already in practice in certain Islamic states of Malaysia )

45. Islamic Missiles ( Pakistan already has them---the latest model targets child-care centres, schools and hospitals of the infidels)

46. Islamic Telephone (a cousin of Islamic Cell Phone---this version replaces the ringing tone with the bursts of ‘Allahu Akbar,’ ‘Allahu Akbar’)

47. Islamic DNA (uses lashing to imprint permanent marks on a person’s buttock and back; helps Allah to identify the perpetrators of anti-Islamic writings and the Islam bashers)

48. Islamic Satellite (launched from Mecca , orbits Allahs throne, monitors and reports to Allah all activities of infidels)

49. Islamic Penicillin (made from camel’s urine: cures all infectious diseases---Hadis style)

50. Islamic Eye-Ointment (made from Muhammad’s saliva---cures all eye ailments)

Are those listed Islamic Inventions hilarious? many of them are, for sure. Complete the century by adding further Islamic stuff. The secret? simply add the prefix ‘Islamic’ to any new invention by the infidels----and lo! you have the Islamic version of it.

Abul Kasem is an Bengali ex-Muslim and academic. He has contributed in Leaving Islam - Apostates Speak Out and Beyond Jihad - Critical Voices from Inside. He has also written extensively on Islam in various websites and is the author of five e-Books: A Complete Guide to Allah, Root of Terrorism ala Islamic Style, Sex and Sexuality in Islam, Who Authored the Quran? and Women in Islam. Mr. Kasem leaves in Sydney, Australia. He can be contacted at abul88@hotmail.com.